Today I realized I have not written at all about Lent! It is easy for me to lose track of time and let tasks slip by until I have a huge pile of undone phone calls, visits, paperwork, emails to tackle. I know I am busy and I don't procrastinate on all my work, but it is a time like this that I feel overwhelmed and confused about where to start. So what to do? I am more and more aware that I often do not ask for help, do not delegate enough, do not say no to things like invitations to special events. I have a hard time narrowing down what is a priority and what would be nice. Even sitting down and thinking about what I should do is not something I do on a regular basis. But, if I take five minutes of my busy time and settle down into connecting with God, then my path becomes clearer. It does not really matter if I chant, or breath, or sing, a centering prayer, just that I do. Of course the universe of chaos tries to interrupt that five minutes, the phone rings, sirens sound, my wife needs to talk to me in that precise moment. But, it is okay, if I need to I can come back and try again.
How about you what interrupts your centering exercises? What causes you to get off kilter? For me writing helps, and asking for help from the universe helps, these are two practices which I am still getting the hang of, even now, even after years of experience. Let me know what works for you cause I need all the help I can get! Blessings, Pastor Steve
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Sermon for 12-30-12
December 30, 2012
Luke 2:41-52, 26
As we wind down the calendar year, I have been reflecting back on this year, and much happened, how much went undone, how much I had hoped to accomplish, how those plans have changed, and what I would like to happen in 2013.
I am drawn to the image so often used at this time of year, of the year looking old and frail, and the New Year looking like a baby, bright and beautiful, full of life and vigor.
In many ways I feel weary from the year, from all the tasks left undone,
Projects still incomplete, relationships that need attention, prayers unsaid. I am burdened by those goals I had hoped to accomplish, but feel now as we conclude the year, how I wish I had a little more time, a little more energy, a little more imagination to get a few last items checked off the to do list. Is this your experience of this moment in time?
I wonder how much of that regret and longing for our lives to be a little more fulfilled, a little more content, a little more at peace, enters into the equation as we think about our new year resolutions?
I was asked by one of my face book friends, what is my New Year’s resolution for 2013, and usually I brush this off, oh, I want to lose a few more pounds, and I want to be sure to exercise and eat well, pray more, trust God more. But these are not well thought out resolutions; more like those things I recycle every year.
But since we do have this opportunity to think about what we hope for in the New Year, as we say goodbye to the old, I wonder are we motivated to be open to the opportunity of a new year? And if we are what could we promise one another as a community of faith?
As I read the scripture for today, I see guidance for us, as we remember how Jesus lived not only his adult life, but also right from the start was a faithful Jew. I would propose we can learn from this story a calling to practice our faith with greater intentionality and with greater depth, so in this coming year, whatever we may encounter, whatever may happen, whatever the to do list, we will find ourselves more rooted in our faith, and more fulfilled as human beings. In short, together we can make this the best year of our lives.
Jesus and his family are faithful in their Jewish faith.
Luke tells us: “When the time came for their purification according to the law of Moses, they brought him up to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord. Jesus comes with his family to the great Temple, the holy mountain, and the place where his ancestors have come for generations, the place where King David reigned, the place considered where God resides. So they make a pilgrimage to this holy place for Jesus’ Bar Mitzvah.
Second, we learn that Jesus not only reads from the Torah, he goes beyond the reading to ask penetrating questions, that engage learned rabbis in dialogue for days. We can read between the lines to see that Jesus has been instructed in the Torah, as he grew. Even Jesus needed to take classes, to study, to pray, to engage in dialogue about what God was revealing to him about his life and his ministry to come. Even Jesus went through a time of learning, and developing his sense of purpose in the world. I also noticed that the holy family was like many of us when it comes to family issues. Who has not chastised our a family member, a child, a spouse, a partner, when they stay out too late, or don’t tell us where they are and we become worried? (Home Alone?)
Luke says of the family, “When they had finished everything required by the law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee, to their own town of Nazareth. The child grew and became strong, filled with wisdom, and the favor of God was upon him.”
Jesus became strong through following the practices of the Jewish faith, God did not somehow magically endow him with all the wisdom he would ever need at birth.
Thirdly, Jesus was obedient to his parents: vs. 51 “Then he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them”.
To me this says that the life of Jesus growing up is far more normal than we give him credit for. In my imagination, the human Jesus the one growing into his Messiah ship scrapes his knees and hurts, is misunderstood by his friends, who helps with the chores around the household, and perhaps plays hooky from school to go play in the pastures.
My eldest child, Amber has now moved into the home she and her finance’ have bought here in Rowland Heights. Our families spent Christmas Day there, the boxes were cleared away, candles lit, the fireplace warming as we gathered to celebrate their first Christmas in their new home.
For both our families, the eldest child moving out to a new life has been an emotional one. I was unprepared for the emotions of this event. I am both proud and happy that Amber has accomplished this new chapter in her life, to spread her wings and boldly take on the responsibilities of a job and committed relationship. I also experience the loss this change has brought. No more listening for her to come in at night, or to make her coffee before she shuttles off to work.
I believe God goes with her, and comforts us, the Spirit guiding our footsteps as we take these new roads of life. And I believe that God knows what it feels like, what we are experiencing, because through Jesus I have a sense of who God is in the life of Jesus, one who calls us to be obedient, and also teaches us all life long.
So as I prepare myself for the New Year, 2013, I commit myself to once again be a life-long learner, to remember that God is not done with me yet. I believe God is still at work, in my life, so I can continue to deepen my relationship to Creation, to grow in wisdom even now.
As we were unwrapping presents, someone tossed a piece of tissue paper too close to the candles and in an instant there was a fire in the middle of the living room, thanks to quick actions the paper was whisked out the door, resulting in a small burn, but given the amount of paper and the people nearby, we felt fortunate not more damage to person or home was done.
After our hearts returned to a normal rhythm and all of us settled down, we could laugh and reflect that this incident will now become part of the folklore of that first Christmas in Amber’s and River’s home.
We have all had those near brushes with danger, the times when we felt panic and uncertainty, times when we wondered if we could just make it one more hour, one more day, one more week without being consumed by the fire of crisis.
As we move into 2013, I want us to bring all those moments, the moments of celebration, the moments of crisis, the moments of happiness and sadness, and be ready for a new birth of belief, a birth of deeper relationship with God, and with the world, with all of creation.
The scripture suggests that even Jesus developed good habits in his life, of studying of practicing the faith he was born into. So maybe we too can learn to develop healthy habits that will nourish us in 2013
First, Ruben Job reminds us in the book that we have been studying,
“We can remember who God is, who we are as individuals, and who we are together as part of God’s entire family”. I sometimes have a hard time remembering my car keys, or my cell phone or my wallet, so I know I need constant reminders of who God is. Sometimes the problems seem so enormous, I forget that God is greater than any problem, any situation, and I need to remember this God.
Second, “We know we cannot do everything to change the world, but we can, by God’s grace, each do our part.”
Third, “Everyday that we live as Jesus lived, we change the world”
We are called to be life long learners, to be the hands and feet of Jesus in the world, to continue the quest wherever it may lead, we cannot do this alone, that is why we go together, brothers and sisters, in the Lord, who never leaves us, who understands and guides us whenever we need wisdom.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Responding to those who experience grief
Walnut United Methodist Church and Preschool 12-17-2012
Dear Parents and Friends,
The recent tragedy in New Town Connecticut can evoke powerful emotions in us, especially grief and empathy for the families whose children and adults were victims of the shooting. As Christians, we are prompted by the Holy Spirit to respond in some way, and sometimes it is confusing to know exactly what to do or say in these very emotional laden situations. Grief is a powerful emotion we all experience and sometimes an event like this can spark memories of our own losses and we relive the emotions of grief and longing we experienced. I want to offer to you some steps dos and don’ts when it comes to responding to those in grief, I serve as Hospice chaplain and the advice I found from Ashley Davis Bush, the author of “Transcending Loss” is helpful to understand how we can respond. I remain as always available to you if you would like to talk about your feelings, and questions. –Pastor Steve
1. Don't Ignore Their Situation
Don't avoid someone or not acknowledge their loss because you don't know what to say or because you don't want to upset them. By ignoring their experience, you make them feel as if their loss doesn't matter.
Do Say Instead:
"I can't imagine what you're going through but I am so sorry for your loss."
"I am heartbroken for you."
Acknowledge their loss. If you knew the person who died, share a story about them. Grievers love to share memories and hear stories about their dear ones. If they happen to cry in your presence, that is perfectly okay! Tears are a natural way to move emotion through the body.
2. Don't Minimize or Deny Their Pain
Don't Say:
"At least you had ____ years together," or "At least they're not suffering anymore."
Either of these comments may be true, but they minimize the loss and implicitly suggest that the griever shouldn't be grieving.
"It was God's will"
(Pastor Steve: God brings resurrection to death, and grief, so we can be confident that God is there to help. However, God intends for us to have long and healthy lives, to fully embrace the gift of life, I believe God mourns with us and provides relief to the grief)
This is not the time for a theological discussion. In general, this comment does not help grievers feel better.
"He/She is in a better place now."
Perhaps... But this doesn't address the griever's loss.
"You can have other children... get remarried... You have other siblings."
These comments imply that people are replaceable, which they are not.
"Time heals all wounds."
Actually, time alone does not heal. Time plus active grief work does lead to a kind of "healing," but the loss will still be a lifelong aspect to their lives now.
Do Say Instead:
"You must miss him so much."
"It is devastating to lose a loved one."
"I can't imagine how painful it must be to lose someone you love so much."
You don't want to try to minimize their loss. You can't take away their pain. Instead, use words that validate and empathize with their pain.
3. Don't Offer Vague Attempts to Help
Don't Say:
"Let me know if I can help."
While polite, this response puts the burden of action on the griever.
"Call me if you'd like to talk."
Grievers rarely have the energy to reach out. Don't put the burden on them to call you.
(Pastor Steve: I also respect the person’s boundaries, to allow them the time and space to grief and process the loss)
Do or Say Something Concrete Instead:
"I'll call you tomorrow and we can talk if you feel up to it."
"Here is a frozen casserole to take the pressure off of dinner tomorrow night."
Just show up with a basket of cookies, a homemade dinner or a bouquet of flowers. Or show up and wash their car, mow their lawn or take care of their kids for an evening. Also call and just check in, letting them know that you're thinking about them. If they don't return your calls, don't take it personally. Some people will want a friend to listen and others would prefer to retreat. Still others may prefer the anonymity of an online support group. Either way, reach out and then respect their wishes.
4. Don't Expect Them to "Get Over It" or "Be Their Old Selves"
Don't Say:
"Isn't it time that you move on, get over this, quit wallowing?"
Grief has no time line. It's not a two-week, two-month, or even two-year process. Closure is a myth. In fact, grief is a lifelong process and is not something that you get over. Grievers must learn to live with loss and integrate it into their new experience of the world.
"When will you be your old self again?"
The answer is "never." After a major loss, an individual is irrevocably changed. Understand that they are going through a process of intense growth and change. Be patient as they discover who they are.
(Pastor Steve: Sometimes the person has a hard time on the anniversary of the death, or on a holiday that reminds us of the loss, it is important to honor a person’s decision to spend the day reflecting and honoring the loved one)
Do Say Instead:
"I know that you move forward with your dear one's love ever present in your heart."
Just because the physical form of the person has died, does not mean that the relationship has died. A new relationship is emerging, based on love and memory and spirit. Honor the fact that they will have a continuing bond with their loved one.
"I know that you're becoming a new person and I'm here for you as you grow." How they interact with the world is different now. They are growing and you want to support that process.
Know that if your heart is open, you will find words and deeds of compassion. And when words are simply inadequate, the healing power of a heartfelt HUG cannot be underestimated.
(Pastor Steve: It is okay to feel uncomfortable and at a loss, it is important to take time to ask God for wisdom and direction to how you can respond. Also, the focus is primarily on the others feelings, so it is good to have someone to bounce ideas off and feelings you have because you want to be open to the other person, and taking care of yourself allows you to be available to them. Too many times people who are good intentioned will unload their problems on the other person because they are not aware of their own grief. Talking to a pastor or counselor about your loss is important to the healing process.
God does give us the gift of feeling compassion for others in crisis. So it is only a matter of using that gift in a way that helps the other heal. This sometimes means we have to put our own emotions on hold as we listen and support the other person. But putting on hold does not mean we ignore or deny our emotions, rather finding an appropriate place and time to process what is going on in us is important work we are all called to do. Blessings, Pastor Steve)
Link to Article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ashley-davis-bush/grief_b_1344813.html
Dear Parents and Friends,
The recent tragedy in New Town Connecticut can evoke powerful emotions in us, especially grief and empathy for the families whose children and adults were victims of the shooting. As Christians, we are prompted by the Holy Spirit to respond in some way, and sometimes it is confusing to know exactly what to do or say in these very emotional laden situations. Grief is a powerful emotion we all experience and sometimes an event like this can spark memories of our own losses and we relive the emotions of grief and longing we experienced. I want to offer to you some steps dos and don’ts when it comes to responding to those in grief, I serve as Hospice chaplain and the advice I found from Ashley Davis Bush, the author of “Transcending Loss” is helpful to understand how we can respond. I remain as always available to you if you would like to talk about your feelings, and questions. –Pastor Steve
1. Don't Ignore Their Situation
Don't avoid someone or not acknowledge their loss because you don't know what to say or because you don't want to upset them. By ignoring their experience, you make them feel as if their loss doesn't matter.
Do Say Instead:
"I can't imagine what you're going through but I am so sorry for your loss."
"I am heartbroken for you."
Acknowledge their loss. If you knew the person who died, share a story about them. Grievers love to share memories and hear stories about their dear ones. If they happen to cry in your presence, that is perfectly okay! Tears are a natural way to move emotion through the body.
2. Don't Minimize or Deny Their Pain
Don't Say:
"At least you had ____ years together," or "At least they're not suffering anymore."
Either of these comments may be true, but they minimize the loss and implicitly suggest that the griever shouldn't be grieving.
"It was God's will"
(Pastor Steve: God brings resurrection to death, and grief, so we can be confident that God is there to help. However, God intends for us to have long and healthy lives, to fully embrace the gift of life, I believe God mourns with us and provides relief to the grief)
This is not the time for a theological discussion. In general, this comment does not help grievers feel better.
"He/She is in a better place now."
Perhaps... But this doesn't address the griever's loss.
"You can have other children... get remarried... You have other siblings."
These comments imply that people are replaceable, which they are not.
"Time heals all wounds."
Actually, time alone does not heal. Time plus active grief work does lead to a kind of "healing," but the loss will still be a lifelong aspect to their lives now.
Do Say Instead:
"You must miss him so much."
"It is devastating to lose a loved one."
"I can't imagine how painful it must be to lose someone you love so much."
You don't want to try to minimize their loss. You can't take away their pain. Instead, use words that validate and empathize with their pain.
3. Don't Offer Vague Attempts to Help
Don't Say:
"Let me know if I can help."
While polite, this response puts the burden of action on the griever.
"Call me if you'd like to talk."
Grievers rarely have the energy to reach out. Don't put the burden on them to call you.
(Pastor Steve: I also respect the person’s boundaries, to allow them the time and space to grief and process the loss)
Do or Say Something Concrete Instead:
"I'll call you tomorrow and we can talk if you feel up to it."
"Here is a frozen casserole to take the pressure off of dinner tomorrow night."
Just show up with a basket of cookies, a homemade dinner or a bouquet of flowers. Or show up and wash their car, mow their lawn or take care of their kids for an evening. Also call and just check in, letting them know that you're thinking about them. If they don't return your calls, don't take it personally. Some people will want a friend to listen and others would prefer to retreat. Still others may prefer the anonymity of an online support group. Either way, reach out and then respect their wishes.
4. Don't Expect Them to "Get Over It" or "Be Their Old Selves"
Don't Say:
"Isn't it time that you move on, get over this, quit wallowing?"
Grief has no time line. It's not a two-week, two-month, or even two-year process. Closure is a myth. In fact, grief is a lifelong process and is not something that you get over. Grievers must learn to live with loss and integrate it into their new experience of the world.
"When will you be your old self again?"
The answer is "never." After a major loss, an individual is irrevocably changed. Understand that they are going through a process of intense growth and change. Be patient as they discover who they are.
(Pastor Steve: Sometimes the person has a hard time on the anniversary of the death, or on a holiday that reminds us of the loss, it is important to honor a person’s decision to spend the day reflecting and honoring the loved one)
Do Say Instead:
"I know that you move forward with your dear one's love ever present in your heart."
Just because the physical form of the person has died, does not mean that the relationship has died. A new relationship is emerging, based on love and memory and spirit. Honor the fact that they will have a continuing bond with their loved one.
"I know that you're becoming a new person and I'm here for you as you grow." How they interact with the world is different now. They are growing and you want to support that process.
Know that if your heart is open, you will find words and deeds of compassion. And when words are simply inadequate, the healing power of a heartfelt HUG cannot be underestimated.
(Pastor Steve: It is okay to feel uncomfortable and at a loss, it is important to take time to ask God for wisdom and direction to how you can respond. Also, the focus is primarily on the others feelings, so it is good to have someone to bounce ideas off and feelings you have because you want to be open to the other person, and taking care of yourself allows you to be available to them. Too many times people who are good intentioned will unload their problems on the other person because they are not aware of their own grief. Talking to a pastor or counselor about your loss is important to the healing process.
God does give us the gift of feeling compassion for others in crisis. So it is only a matter of using that gift in a way that helps the other heal. This sometimes means we have to put our own emotions on hold as we listen and support the other person. But putting on hold does not mean we ignore or deny our emotions, rather finding an appropriate place and time to process what is going on in us is important work we are all called to do. Blessings, Pastor Steve)
Link to Article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ashley-davis-bush/grief_b_1344813.html
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